Wednesday, February 09, 2011

NY snark


Here's Lucy! Little miss is what keeps me smiling.
Here's what doesn't make me smile. A comment from someone who clearly doesn't know me at all and misinterprets my NY sarcasm for something other than what it is. I don't expect anyone who "knows" me from the blog to really "know me" but most of the friends I've made in bloglandia and in personal correspondence are good friends who have stood beside me in these past horrible months, genuinely wanting to do something to help. To anyone who thinks that I don't appreciate that every day I say...pft! You add the sound effects.
At heart, I am a comedian with a sharp, very dry, sense of humor. It has been a necessary companion these past months of Roger's terrible illness and death. If not for my sense of humor I would be in a ball in the fetal position in bed. To say that I don't appreciate my life or my place in this life is to not know me at all. I have resumed my job of 13 years at the Pantry where I am , among other jobs, a listener. I listen to women who have been abandoned by louses and left with children to feed and no marketable trade. Women with no means of supporting themselves or the medical and social needs of having two children with Autism. Men of many ages who have served our country only to have been forgotten and left to find their way while not fully being able to understand what has happened to them. Most cannot even look you in the face, so bleak is their pain and guilt. I am cosidering another offer as well for a job in one of the churches in the village. I will most likely take that job too in a month or so.
For anyone who thinks that I'm sitting in some ivory tower complaining about the lack of help from the little folk toiling in the fields let me set you straight. I spend my days doing for others as much as possible and now I am trying to make sense of my own life too. The loss of my husband of 37 years and friend for some 40 has been devastating and nearly unbearable to me. My chin is up though and not being one to bitch and moan, I go through the days with a smile on my face and think of how very fortunate I am that Roger was savvy enough to leave me comfortable and cared for in a number of ways. I have a wonderful, if creaky, old house that is mine all mine and don't owe anyone anything but taxes. For nearly 6 months I went to the hospital everyday and, until the end, believed that my dearest friend and the love of my life would come home again. We spent out time together, as short as it was, really in love with each other. Last week was our anniversary and I had intended to write a little about our life together. Roger gave me the first home I have ever known in all my life. He spent so much of his time planning things for us to do and ways to make me happy and to feel safe. If it were not for him, I doubt I would have survived the things that happened to me years ago. We took a long-time friendship and turned it into a love story that our friends still comment about. It was one of those "if not for this, then that would never have happened" things. He made it easy to fall in love because we were already in like for years. There's a lot to be said for a boat ride on the Sound on a May evening at sunset. I still get a little tug at my tummy when I think of that night. I wanted to spend the rest of my life trying to make him as happy as possible and tell him many times over how much he meant to me. When I think of how sick he was those last weeks it causes me actual physical reactions.
So, if someone thinks that my personality is defined by not appreciating the plight of those around me who have to make their way out in the storm when I get to sit here being crabby and annoyed at the plow guy and the state of my driveway, let me just say, "you have no idea who I am and , clearly, no appreciation for NY snark. To each his own but stay out of mine.

13 comments:

Gerrie said...

Oh, Dee! This is why I love you so much. You tell 'em!!!!!

Terry said...

Oh, for heaven sake! as my mother would have said. For some folks it is not enough that you write beautifully, share your life and thoughts in such an honest and amazing way and keep on doing so through the worst that life hands out. Some people have no appreciation for that kind of generosity of spirit, nor an understanding that good-natured crabbing about the weather and an unplowed road is just that. If we can't bitch a little among friends, what's the point? If you never express a negative thought, then THAT is when something is really wrong.

Janet said...

Well said! And besides, it's YOUR blog and you get to say whatever you want here. If someone doesn't like it they don't have to read it. I, for one, thoroughly enjoy coming here to visit you. I love your personality and find it much more refreshing than someone who is sickly sweet all the time.

You go, Girl!!!!

Rian said...

I love yer grit, girl! And Lucy is sooooo cute. I just want to twiddle those ears...

Deborah said...

Your positive attitude is an inspiration! I am so sorry for your loss.

Darcie said...

The love between you and Roger. It's beautiful. Not "it was" but "it is"...still.

It's just crazy that you should share this. Remember that little snafoo about my use of corn batting a few years back? You came to my rescue, remember? Well anyway...for some odd reason, I was just thinking about that a few days ago. And again, I wondered why the person that chided me just didn't shut up and move away from the computer. Why do people have to comment snide things to the AUTHOR of one's own blog?! Crazy.

And your snark? I call it humor. ;-D And I love you for it!

That Lucy! How I would love to snuggle her...what a cutie patutie!

Karen said...

Love that you did that! A good tongue lashing was in order. You tell em and let whoever it was move on and away. Good to see you smile a bit now. I am so very sure it has been a tough go. nearly impossible at times - Good to have a Lucy dog to help you with a smile too!

Diane said...

Glad you are getting out in the midst of the storms. Glad to see you stand up for yourself. Thanks for sharing your story.

Joanne S said...

As a person who has had her comments misinterpreted-- we sometimes don't express ourselves properly in the commenting section. And then feel just awful about the resulting pain, anger etc.

I have almost, almost, given up on comments. I have been accused of having a cold, dried up, mean heart by some blog authors.

This new way of communicating has a learning curve.

Those folks coming to the food pantry are lucky to have you there to listen to them. Mostly they get ignored. By society and the "system". Take Care.

Del said...

Still sending good thoughts and love your way. It is good to get the blood stirred up sometimes, but too much stirring is just too much! Keep on being you.

Michele Bilyeu said...

Now, this made me cry!!! Now, I know the depths of that love, of that pain. I truly get you and where you are, dear Dee. Oh, Roger...you are so missed. Now, I miss you, too. I miss you in all ways for my Dee. I pray that Dee will take all of the gifts you blessed her with in this lifetime, and bring them into her and use them with love. Thank you, Roger, for all you gave her and blessed her with. What a very good man you were. Hugs and cheers to Roger. Raising my glass to you dear man.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Been awhile since I had caught up on blogs - so I went over and looked at the comments. Seems to me this was a gentle reminder to be kind to yourself, and others (a basic reminder we could all use from time to time), and a suggestion to notice the positive in the world. Your response covered topics such as: defending your love for Roger (which we all know), your financial position, and your support of the community. Such precious energy spent on topics that didn't need to be. Not all comments need /deserve a response. They are opinions, and everyone has them. Love how you keep it real.

Kim Carney said...

I love your work experience, love story. I don't know if I can't respect you more than I already do but these stories make me want to be nearer you ;)