I turned on the comments again due to the many e-mails I got from the best people in the world...you.
When I think about writing lately it always seems to be so needy sounding. Comes off sounding like I need a lot of cheese with all that whine. I'm not used to being the one who needs. I've always been the one who is strong. Some of the best relationships I have are with people who have needed a lot of support and comfort recently. I guess this turns out to be the time when my problems are becoming seemingly insurmountable. Anyway, Thanks Ladies for the messages and several eye opening e-mails that slapped me upside the head. Left o my own devices, I am the ostrich with my head firmly planted in the sand. Your thoughtful messages pulled me out.
This morning I went to see Roger and there was a sign on the door that said he has an infection and gloves and a gown must be worn. If that doesn't get your mind going in the morning nothing will. One less way for us to communicate...one more thing to worry about. Now I can't even touch his forehead and hold his hand except through plastic....sigh.
In order not to lose what few brain cells I am managing to hold on to I decided it was time to get out the sewing machine and some fabric. I put it all on the kitchen table yesterday and there it sits. I keep walking past the stuff not doing anything with it. Last night I thought about this for a long time. I think that I am avoiding anything that makes me feel good because I feel guilty having enjoyment. Wrap your head around that one. Before all this stuff started happening, I thought I was a fairly normal woman with reasonable thoughts running through my head. Now I am in a daily state of panic due to the many unknowns we are facing. I thought for sure that by the time I was this age I wouldn't have so much to worry about. In the last 3 months most of the things I used to know the answer to have become questions with no clear answer. Having been through hell once in my earlier life should have prepared me for it happening again. It hasn't and I'm in a position where I may find myself without options I thought I had.
I'm going from this to the sewing machine and do something simple. I'll try not to enjoy it!