Christmas rush...

I thought I would just update you on things around here since I don't want to worry anyone. Thanks so much for the many messages I have gotten both on the blog and personally.

Even though it will take some major getting used to, I am trying to slap on a happy face and proceed with some Christmas cheer. I'm not one of those people who can sink myself into a miasma and wallow. Roger was not that kind of person either. So a little rundown of these past weeks and what's to come. Deep breath....

I am making Christmas Eve dinner for James & Dani and Bob. We are having Shrimp Scampi, Basmati rice, salad and something undetermined & yet to be bought by Bob at Copenhagen Bakery tomorrow for dessert. Christmas day we are going to my best bud Terry's house for dinner. There was some mention made about margaritas. Fine by me but a nice Cabernet would be good too. The day after Christmas our friends Joe & Geri are having a family open house thing that they do every year. Everyone brings something and the table is usually groaning with delicious stuff to eat and drink. Yes...this is my way of keeping moving. If I can get past these two holidays I will be alright. I feel like the white rabbit in Alice. No time to stop I have to go etc.

My schedule has reverted to pre-marriage time. Years ago, before we married, I used to be a night owl. Staying up to watch movies and such till all hours. Roger's work schedule kept me more grounded. In bed my 10 and up at 5:30. No reason for that anymore. I'm finding the nights a little hard but manageable thanks to Netflix. The movies are arriving and flying back out in the mail in record time. I just finished the last season of The Tudors and am looking forward to some older BBC mini-series stuff I've ordered. I should order a few more things since I think my cue is getting low and there is NOTHING on TV during these two weeks but re-runs. Any suggestions out there?

I've been inundated with paperwork from various life insurance policies and am waiting to hear from social security. The paperwork is daunting and if you miss a day of organizing you need an afternoon to figure out where you are. I have all but a few thank you cards for various things like flowers and fruit baskets etc. done. That can really get to you after a few dozen of those so I've been doing them every other day or so.

I'm hoping to clear the decks of the funeral details and thank you cards so I can get back to having some life without being sad or depressed daily. I do keep running into people in the grocery store who didn't know and last week I had an interesting thing happen at the bank. There was a check for Roger's final pay and he had many weeks of vacation time so that went into the check as well. Being that it was a substantial amount and made out to the Estate of Roger I rightly assumed they would be handling the check differently than any old deposit. They asked me to see the bank manager. Turns out that she lost her husband 6 months ago and she took a lot of time out of her schedule to explain some important things to me regarding things I should and should not do for a number of months + to see that the deposit was verified by her personally through the Lab where Roger worked. She gave me the number of her bereavement group and her personal cell number if I needed to talk to someone about all this. You really meet the most amazing people sometimes.

So here we are at the end of 2010. It's been a hard year and I don't expect it to be always easy in the coming year but I am putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward slowly. Now and then something reminds me of Roger and it's hard not to cry. I'm giving myself permission and not trying to keep from doing that. I guess that's part of the process. My eyes look like I've had surgery. Red and swollen a lot of the time. I need some cucumber slices or tea bags for my bags.

I wish all my dear friends, bloggy and otherwise, a beautiful Christmas and a New Year full of promise. My wish for you all is that you make the most of your time with loved ones. In the end, it really is the one thing you can't buy. Hardly anything else matters as much or is as precious.

I'll be back...